Trump Blames California Wildfires on “Worthless Fish”

Big brain time.

Smelt It, Delta It

President-elect Donald Trump has found the real culprit behind Los Angeles’ massive and devastating wildfires: the Delta smelt fish.

In a post on his failing Truth Social platform, the forthcoming commander-in-chief slammed California Gov. Gavin Newsom — or “Newscum,” in Trumpspeak — for putting a “worthless fish” over Golden State’s populace.

“Governor Gavin Newscum refused to sign the water restoration declaration put before him that would have allowed millions of gallons of water, from excess rain and snow melt from the North, to flow daily into many parts of California, including the areas that are currently burning in a virtually apocalyptic way,” Trump posted. “He wanted to protect an essentially worthless fish called a smelt, by giving it less water (it didn’t work!), but didn’t care about the people of California.”

“Now,” he continued, “the ultimate price is being paid.”

The “worthless fish” in question is the Delta Smelt, a small and endangered freshwater fish that’s protected under California law — and, though it’s a crowded field, just might represent one of the former and future president’s stupidest beefs.

Very Stable Faucet

As Trump’s would have it, Southern California could bring in more water via a “very large faucet” — a nonexistent water diversion system from the Rocky Mountains to the north that experts call completely nonsensical.

“You have millions of gallons of water pouring down from the north, with the snow caps and Canada, and all pouring down,” Trump said during a Los Angeles fundraising trip last September. “And they have, essentially, a very large faucet, and you turn the faucet, and it takes one day to turn, and it’s massive.”

After Trump plugged the convoluted “solution,” Oregon’s state climatologist Larry O’Neill suggested in interviews with local press that this strange technology only exists in Trump’s mind.

“There is indeed no such diversion system,” O’Neill told Portland’s KOIN, “and none has been seriously proposed that I am aware of.”

Despite his proposed technology not existing in the real world, the man who will be sworn back into office in less than two weeks thinks that California should be doing things his way.

“I will demand that this incompetent governor allow beautiful, clean, fresh water to FLOW INTO CALIFORNIA!” Trump posted. “He is the blame for this.”

Back in reality, climate change and the notorious Santa Ana winds are really to blame — but in this dumb age, who’s keeping score?

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