Analogue3D’s Retro Console Proves the N64 Controller Was the Worst Ever

I’m here to make friends, bask in the kind, accepting glow of internet comments, and speak the dark truth you’ve all long known to be true: The N64 controller, Nintendo‘s infamous trident joypad for its third home console, is, and always was, awful.

You may think you like it. If you’re of a “certain age,” there’s a fair chance you have fond memories of being huddled around a TV screen, screeching with fury as you got hit by a blue shell in Mario Kart 64; losing yourself in the frenetic chaos of multiplayer Super Smash Bros.; or exploring Hyrule with wide-eyed wonder in Ocarina of Time.

Nostalgia is a powerful force, though—and those warm fuzzy memories of what is undeniably one of gaming’s golden eras blinds you to the fact that you were doing all that with an abomination of a controller wedged into your hands.

Hate’s a strong term to level at a video game controller, but I hate the N64 controller with a passion that must be unhealthy to direct at a bundle of plastic and wires. And, being of that certain age, it’s a hatred I’ve carried since childhood. Yet, as time passed, the hatred had subsided, or at least moved to the background. This week, however, my rage has been brought back to the fore.

Analog Days

The reason for this renewed odium? The reveal of the Analogue3D, an upcoming third-party console that not only plays original Nintendo 64 game cartridges, but makes them palatable on a modern 4K TV screen. Unlike the string of “mini” consoles released over the last few years, such as the SNES Classic Mini or Sega Genesis/Mega Drive Mini, Analogue’s gear doesn’t rely on emulation of games, but rather runs those original cartridges and uses an FPGA chip to—essentially—emulate the hardware of the original console.

It’s not Analogue’s first attempt at reviving classic hardware, having previously launched the likes of the Analogue Pocket, a Game Boy–shaped handheld that plays original Game Boy, Game Boy Color, and Game Boy Advance carts. It can also be kitted out with adaptors to handle Game Gear, Neo Geo Pocket Color, TurboGrafx-16, and Atari Lynx carts, too, making for a retro game collector’s dream system.

The Analogue3D looks to be a promising bit of tech too. Analogue says it’s built around “a 220k LE Altera Cyclone 10GX, the most powerful FPGA Analogue has ever used in a product,” offers region-free support for N64 cartridges from anywhere in the world in NTSC or PAL format, an inbuilt version of the Nintendo Expansion Pak (an N64 accessory that doubled the console’s available memory from 4 MB to a whopping 8 MB, improving performance on select games), and outputs in 4K, or original display modes maintaining “true CRT reference quality” with “immersive scanlines and shadow masks.”